Yea. So I went out yesterday to met up with a friend I've known from back when I was in National Service. I haven't seen him for like a year plus. Not seldom text or even talk so I thought it was kinda cool to meet up since he was coming over to Pyramid.
The fear of going back or stepping in to Pyramid was so scary cause I'm scare that I might bump into him. Then again it would be a good idea since its not like I can contact or see him now.
Anyway I met up friend & his cousin at
McD at around 1 o'clock. He was actually invited by his cousin who went to Pyramid to celebrate his friends birthday. Originally I thought Wilson & I was just gonna walk off & go our separate place but who knew we were gonna watch a movie with a bunch of kids that I have no idea who they were!
There were 20 people including me & him. & both of us were the eldest. But it all turned out okay I guess. I wouldn't say I had a fun time though. Cause the whole time I wasn't in my right mind. Every few moments of silence I would think about him. I'm sorry if I bore you with my gloomy mood Wilson. Hope you still had a good time with me ya.. =)
Bought this at some Japanese fair selling lots of
Jap snacks. Yea I know, you'll probably be wondering "Hey you don't eat sweets or snacks one what!". But I just feel like buying something cute to make me feel better. All of it cost RM14.80.
Hmm watched a movie later with the whole bunch at 5.30pm so me, Wilson & his cousin,
Hong lepaked awhile, chitchatted & stuffed. Went home straight after the movie at around 7pm. Ate with my family, & finally got back home safely.
All in all, I'm just trying to say, thought I went out today, got to know
a lot of new friends, being with the family, acting like I'm okay, the truth is,
I'M NOT OKAY. & as I'm typing this down, I can't help but cry as tears are slowly rolling down my cheeks.
Sure, I'm just trying to make myself busy, giving myself things to do in order to get you out of my mind. But I can't seem to
succeed. & you know why? Cause I don't want to. Part of me just don't want to let you go. & I know, you probably think that I'm a pathetic loser & just a
despo trying so hard to move on but can't because of you.
Well maybe I am. & I'm ready to admit the fact that I still miss you a lot. Really a lot. I tried to make myself feel better. But nothing is working. Cause I know I'll still be seeing you in the future. & to have the thought of seeing you with another girl in your arms just tears me up apart.
How could you do this to me? What went wrong between us? Could you at least give me an explanation to why you are treating me like this? Do you know that you're making me feel like I'm a piece of crap? Am I that annoying to you that you can just ignore me
completely? How could you just shut me out of your life like that? Have I not mean anything to you? Not replying my text, not picking up my call. Don't be like that can you? Just suck it up & be a man about it.
I know, I know you probably have another girl in you life. But you still have to tell me about it so that I can truly let you go. Don't be a jerk & leave me hanging & waiting for something that just wouldn't appreciate me.
The most hurtful thing of all that you could do to me is by telling me everything that you use to tell me. Everything that you've once said to me is still freshly
stuck in my mind. & I refuse to believe that all of those were lies. Because I believed you. I trusted you. I really cared about you.
You were the one who opened up my heart. So why are you the one who choose to just let me go now? Why can you have the choice to just leave me whenever you want to? Who gave you the right to make a choice? Why don't I have one? Why are you controlling me?
You said you
won't ever leave me down dar..You said it. All the things you told me. All of what you've promised me. I will never erase that from my heart. Though I know I should let you go. You know you're still the one I will always hold on to. & I hope you know what you've done to me. I don't want you to feel guilty cause I don't want your sympathy. All I want is just for you to realize that the one you fall for is still unchanged. I'm still here waiting for you to come back to me.
If you think you've won for trying to play me, then I guess you did.
I still want you in my life. Please come back to me. I don't want our past to be a memory. I want to look forward to our future together.
Don't Leave me in all these painDon't leave me out in the rainCome back & bring back my smileCome & take these tears awayI need your arms to hold me nowThe nights are so unkindBring back those nights when I held you beside meUn-break my heartSay you'll love me againUndo this hurt you causedWhen you walked out the door& walked out of my lifeUn-cry these tearsI cried so many nightsUn-break my heartMy heartTake back that sad word goodbyeBring back the joy to my lifeDon't leave me here with these tearsCome & kiss this pain awayI can't forget the day you leftTime is so unkind& life is so cruel without you here beside me
