♥Monday, February 16, 2009
Heartbroken
Once again, I've been lied by a person I really thought I could trust. Jokes on me I guess. I always thought if I'd given my sincerity to people I would be okay knowing that at least if people really did lied to me, I wouldn't have regret cause I've done my part as a friend. Its you who can look me in the eyes, telling me a bunch of craps, actually got me convinced that you are who you told me you were. Its your lost anyway, for losing a friend. Yes i do admit I am truthfully hurt by you. Cause I really thought we might or could have been together? Or at least we would have turned out to be good friends in the future. But you've done what you've done and nothing you can do to fix the past or change the future.
& I don't know why, but somehow I had always been a victim to fellow liars. I wonder, am I such an easy prey for you to play your games on me? Testing it out on me with your ability to lie? Well how was your score? Is it worth all the lies you told me? I hope it is for you cause you seriously pay a high price for lying to me. =)
Yes I'm mad cause you lied. But its actually more of a disappointment to find out from another person. & to have you still not admitting & continue to keep silent & not even explaining to me the whole truth after I found out. That makes me even more disgust. Can't you at least be honest to me after the truth is all out? All I want is just for you to admit & tell me you've lied. I just want to hear it from your own words at least. Is that too much to ask for?
I really do want to believe you. I've been calm enough to still give you chances for you to explain to me but you didn't. I've been patience enough to await for your answers so that you could clear my doubts but you didn't. I've been fair enough to listen to both sides before I made my decision but guess what? You didn't even made a good enough effort to fight for your rights. You've only left me no choice. Cause from now on I know whatever you might say might just be another lie or cover up. & I know deep down in my heart that no matter what you say, I can't bring myself to truly believe you like how i used to anymore.
That's why I really really really hate liars.
I can't eat properly cause I constantly think about it. I think I've lost a few grams though lol.. whee~
I can't sleep properly cause I kept having questions popping in my head. Tossing & turning the whole 2 or 3 nights to say the least.
I can't concentrate doing what I'm suppose to be doing cause I'll keep on thinking or trying to figure out who is the real liar. The snake who told me that person lied or the person who is telling lies telling me he's not lying?
Wow. I amazed myself sometimes. By putting so much thought into something I can just let go or could not be bothered at all. I'm losing so much gigabyte in my memory brain just for this? lol..
I've been lied just too few but all too painful to even remember nor speak of it again. I will seriously delete everything about you from my life. But then again, I know I wont do that. Cause I really cherish each & every person I've known. Well at least those who are close enough to me that I could share a secret or two about. I need time. Plenty of it to truly bring myself up back together. Maybe a year or two? Not sure. Time will tell. Just give me some space before it happens. Until then or between the process of healing I'll do my very best to mend this broken heart of mine. & I don't know what is going to happen to the both of us. But I do hope something good will continue between the both of you. Hope you will take good care of yourself.
I think I'm not going to be in a relationship again for another year. At least not until next Valentine's day. I'm banning myself from having a boyfriend in my life this year. Or at least until someone good enough comes along my way. But if I can't even handle a friend how in the world would I be able to handle a boyfriend?
College right now is giving me a hell lot of stress anyway. I can't simply be bothered by all these problems. I just want to be ordinary. Im just a simple person. I'm simple minded okay..
So don't treat me like a fool just cause you know you can. You're only giving yourself a bad name.
I think I've made it clear enough for anyone who cares to read this long post that I hate liars.
Whatever I wrote here remains here. Please don't ask me anything. I'm already stressed enough as it is.
even robots need love/@11:47 PM
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